I looked up to the flashing sky as we drove the long way home to Des Moines. We had just started our journey back and it looked like it was going to rain for the whole drive. I didn’t want to go home, but I didn’t want to stay in the Twin Cities either. Too many memories, too many things left unsaid that should have been said. What else could I have done, anyway? Anyone else would have done the same thing. Still, I hated leaving like this. I hated knowing that things could have been different.
It didn’t star this way. It never did. When the trip first began, I was excited at the prospect of finally telling Celeste how I felt about her. I had bee holding it in for quite some time, but I knew the time was right. I knew that it was time for me to step up and be a man. Celeste and I had been communicating daily for the past six weeks and this was the first time in the last four months that I would get to see her. This was supposed to be just a formality, of course. I was certain that she knew how I felt about her, so I didn’t think that this was going to be a big deal at all.
We arrived in the Twin Cities two days ago. Celeste knew I was coming, and we had plans to hang out and have dinner that night with our larger friend group. The next morning we planned to hang out and get breakfast with just each other. She told me that she had a surprise for me, and told her that I had one for her too. My plan was to tell her how I felt the following morning over breakfast when it would be just the two of us. Her plan, however, was different.
When we arrived at the restaurant, it was about 7pm. Celeste and some of our other friends from the Cities were already there. When Celeste saw me, her eyes lit up and I immediately went up to give her a hug. “I’ve missed you!” I said, “I mean, we talk a lot, but I’ve still missed seeing you.” She smiled and said, “I missed you too, Luke. I’ve got so much to tell you!” When she said that, she glanced to the guy who was sitting next to her, who stood up and reach out his hand to me.
“Luke, this is Bryce. Bryce, Luke.” We smiled and shook hands. I looked to over to Celeste for a further introduction, when landed the bombshell. “Bryce, Luke is my best friend that I was telling you about. Luke, Bryce is my new boyfriend!”
My jaw dropped as I tried to register the words that were spoken. I looked at Celeste for a second, and then I would look at Bryce. I tried to smile again, but I found I couldn’t. I couldn’t even speak. Luckily, Nick, my buddy from Des Moines, saved me. He reached across me and said, “Wow! Congrats! Bryce, my name is Nick. I’ve known Celeste since college. How’d you two meet?”
By this point, I was at least able to recover my composure, but I still felt like I got punched in the gut. I sat down and listened to Bryce explain that they met while out swing dancing. I listened while he explained that he knew that he needed to ask Celeste out as soon as he met her. I listened while he explained that their first date was at this very restaurant, and that it had become one of the favorite places to eat since they started dating a two weeks ago. I even listened when Celeste described the circumstances of their first kiss.
When the waitress arrived, I only ordered water, explaining that I had an upset stomach. After about fifteen minutes, I excused myself from the table and went outside. I texted Nick and Celeste shortly thereafter, giving my apologies and explaining that I needed to leave because I was sick, that I would catch a cab to the hotel, and that I would see Celeste tomorrow morning for breakfast.
When I was finally safe in the hotel room, I wept until my eyes were dry and I finally crawled into bed. When Nick and the others got to the hotel room, I feigned being asleep, but I was wide awake. I listened to them as they whispered how shocked they were at Celeste’s announcement and how sorry they felt for me (because they all knew about my plans). I’m not sure when sleep overtook me, but it was well after the rest of the group fell asleep. I listened as their breathing regulated and Nick even began snoring quietly.
The next morning, I got up from the bed and took a shower. There were bags under my eyes and my head was pounding. I saw a text from Celeste asking if I was okay to still have breakfast. I texted back that I was, and that I would see her in a little bit. I finished getting ready, took a few aspirin, and went to meet Celeste at Victor’s Cafe (my favorite place to get breakfast). When I arrived, Celeste had already found a table and settled in.
She asked how I was feeling and said that she was sorry that I didn’t have the opportunity to get to know Bryce a bit more before I had to leave. I smiled and nodded, trying to hold back my tears again as I stared at the menu. When we finally ordered, Celeste looked at me and said, “Luke, you don’t look happy. What’s wrong?”
I closed my eyes as tears began to run down my cheeks. I opened them again to see Celeste’s concern written clearly on her face. “I got some really disappointing news before we left,” I lied.
“Really? What happened?” She really did care about me, I realized at that point, just not in the way I wanted.
I said to her, “I had a crush on this girl and I told her how I felt right before we left. She didn’t feel the same way. I was so sure that it was going to turn out differently, but I was wrong.”
Celeste sighed and said, “Wow, that is really hard. I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now. I’m sorry. And then to show up here and have the surprise about Bryce and me…it probably just made things worse for you.”
I nodded, and apologized, saying that it wasn’t their fault and that I was really happy for them. I told Celeste that I wanted to stay informed of how they were doing and that I would be praying for their relationship. She seemed to appreciate this, so I determined in myself that I would support their relationship, regardless of how it made me feel. What else could I do?
We finished our breakfast and left Victor’s. I met Nick and our other Des Moines friends back at the hotel. We spent another day in the Twin Cities, but I couldn’t remember much of it. It didn’t seem to matter anyway.
I looked around the car at my friends. They were silent; no one looked at me. There wasn’t anything to be said. They knew how I was feeling. I sighed and stared back out the window at the oncoming storm. It was late.